i was one of those awkward adolescents who really really loved the anonymity uni life accorded me. no fixed classes. no class registers. no moving everywhere as a group. i loved walking around campus surrounded by unfamiliar faces, freely roaming all by myself, going wherever and doing whatever i fancied. i think i secretly liked that i was perfectly comfortable signing up for modules to take alone, sitting in lectures alone, going into tutorial rooms alone and having my meals alone. i value my quiet.

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six semesters of my life in sociology and gender studies, and i probably only counted two people as my friends. in case you’re being all weepy and sad for me at this point, don’t be! i really cannot put into words how much i liked being faceless and nameless with no attachments to anything or anyone whatsoever. so as exciting as life was, i progressed to honours year knowing only two other names – hannah my babe, and yusuf the politician-to-be.

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but in year four, the department gifted us this magical wardrobesque cramp space they socially labelled the honours room. and again, because i was always one of those geeks who would arrive on campus at 0800 for a 1000 to have some quiet time and read, and also stay pretty late into the night, the honours room really was all mine haha. i hardly remember ever hanging out it in during the day when everyone was in there socializing and discussing all things intellectual and philosophical.

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i don’t know what happened, but it’s suddenly four weeks till the end of our school life, and my grandmasterplan not to feel emotionally attached to anyone has failed tremendously. to the nine girls and three boys i affectionately call my friends (awwww, cynic. yes guys i can hear you!), this is all your fault! hmph. feeling all mushy and squirmy and emonemo inside because i know work is gonna steal us away from each other and siphon off all our leisure time for capitalists. to jiggly, amybabe and soci baby (surprise!), thank you for convincing me that friendsdon’tkill and that you’llalwayshavemyback.

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four weeks. i shall not obsess over my thesis any longer. time to walk around campus with familiar faces and voices i am going to grow to pine for.

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someday in the future, i will miss days and nights like this.