Academica Dramatica x Graduation Ceremonies

My totally officious undergrad/honours graduation ceremony. Circa July 2011.

wishcrys attends her partner’s graduation ceremony and internally monologues through 120 minutes of officious sitting.

Graduation ceremonies for parents are like the first day of preschool all over again. All the hype. All the intrusive photography.

Graduation ceremonies for newly minted graduands are a giant fancy dress party inducting would-be adults into newly minted unemployment.

Graduation ceremonies for existing phd candidates on the periphery are like a futuristic space age movie.

Graduation ceremonies for faculty are ‘hey hunny I’m working late tonight’.

Can earn a four-year degree in some complex slice of quantum engineering. Cannot figure out graduation robes.

#gradceremonyaliases how many bad renditions of 90s hits we can play in a row.

#gradceremonyaliases which mother has the biggest hair competition.

#gradceremonyaliases what that super long phd dissertation title actually means.

#gradceremonyaliases how many multi-syllabic words the senate can squeeze into a 5min speech to placate parents who paid for A4 paper.

#gradceremonyaliases manufactured milestone that is legitimated by the number of times ‘milestone’ is mentioned in two hours.

#gradceremonyaliases please update your contact details to stay in touch SO WE CAN RING YOU UP AT ANNUAL DONATION DRIVES.

#gradceremonyaliases trying to look elegant on stage while negotiating five-inch heels and making haste while a hall of 500 watch and judge.

#gradceremonyaliases how many carefully orchestrated and alienating procedures academia can perform to earmark its elitism and non-access.

#gradceremonyaliases how many components of the night we can commoditize for you to buy to legitimate your graduation experience.

#gradceremonyaliases how many acronyms follow after the names of these important people and what they actually mean.

Every time I livetweet I lose followers. Maybe this can be my new game. Seven and counting tonight.

#gradceremonyaliases battle of the cameras/smartphones because my raw captures are more authentic than the professional shots I can buy.

What looks like a first gen basic camcorder of my right vs what looks like a mutant transformer ginormous DSLR with extensions on my left.

#gradceremonyaliases how much paraphernalia the institution can sell you to mark and brand your body. or home. or car.

#gradceremonyaliases applaud enthusiastically for the first ten people. nod off. get woken up to witness THE ONE. nods off again.

#gradceremonyaliases what does one have to study to wear a robe of that colour?

#gradceremonyaliases how many poofy hats are in the room?

“You may take photos from your seats but please switch off your phones.” / WHAT DEVICE DISCRIMINATION IS THISSS.

#gradceremonyaliases how many synonyms for ‘dreams’ and ‘goals’ we can fit into a 7min speech.

My own undergrad convocation was three years ago. We were sociology hons majors strategically coughing at bs bureaucratic buzzwords.

#gradceremonyaliases tldr; you paid x dollars over x years of education to be a “contributing member of society”.

#gradceremonyaliases back-to-back formal speeches are secretly a ‘my literary metaphor is better than yours’ competition.

#gradceremonyaliases that one last looooooong lecture of your schooling life that you cannot download a webcast for or skip altogether.

Undergrad convocation flashback: fistbumped two fav profs on stage, handed out bubbles to batchmates, gathered racial minorities for photo.

#gradceremonyaliases which graduand has the longest name. or fanciest name. or name that most resembles a rap song.

THE REAL #gradceremonyaliases – will @wishcrys be able to survive the rest of the night now that her iPhone5 battery has failed her?

 

Also, kuddos to this professional photographer who literally cannot suspend focus for two hours straight.

#gradceremonyaliases who has the longest phd dissertation title containing the highest number of obscure words.

I feel like all these graduands *finally* receiving PhDs should look 9000 times happier, more relieved, less stressed. /oh unemployment

Undergrad Valedictorian: “In the beginning, graduation seemed so far away.” / beb every day graduation seems so far away.

I am so gonna hide cookies under my robe when/if I graduate.

Okay Twitter, thanks for being my friend. Actually have to make conversation with proper adults IRL now. :'(

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