I am sitting at a memorial service in a church snug in the east end of Singapore. The master of ceremony goes up to the pulpit. He tells us that we will begin with a time of worship. “These were some of her favorite songs,” he says. A screen rolls down. The lights dim. A video plays.
She appears, strumming a mellow song on guitar on that very stage just a few Sundays ago. She was only 23. There she is, cold and silent, lying in the coffin. There she is, warm and tangible, singing onscreen.
There she is, my sister, in two places at once.
Continue reading Every Place At Once.
It is 2203hrs and I have urgent tasks to complete and a long soothing shower to take and half a Hiroshi Shinagawa film to complete and an apple to eat, but I cannot concentrate on any of these until I empty my insides here in a bid to reorder myself.
Tonight I am feeling quite helpless with being so far away from my home and my house and my person and all the people and places and things that I love very much.
There are many opportunity costs to pursuing a career in academia. I’ve made a list of these that I would like to write about as part of my PhD hacks, but tonight I want to write about how traveling alone frequently and for long periods for work (much less traveling alone as a young woman generally) can be really agonizing.
Continue reading Traveling academics and the guilt from crises at home.
1 An act of shaking a person’s hand with one’s own, used as a greeting or to finalize an agreement.
– Oxford Dictionaries Continue reading First touches.
Between January and February this year, I ate Japanese food for 35 consecutive days in Singapore. Using food, place, and other materialities as placeholders for my sister, I was trying to reprogramme my body out of grief. Continue reading Reprogramming my body out of grief.
I’ve been thinking about how bodies react to stressful situations or fall into PTSD, and how private and public struggles compound each other.
There are many challenging and difficult things happening in our world right now and we all read, process, filter, and react to them differently.
At the confluence of demographic intersectionality, our personal histories, and the proximity of the domino effect to each of our societies, our individual bodies personalise and compound responses to a single stimuli.
All of us also use and curate our social media differently, for the personal or professional or news, as receptacle or broadcast or dialogue, by posting or reading or lurking, in peaks and troughs with intensities and lulls, all of these and everything else in between.
Whatever works for our bodies and helps us do life better without harm to others is valid. Continue reading Stimuli.