some days i feel like i can conquer the world. others, i can barely pry myself out of bed. today is one of those curious in-between days. i love what i do. every day, i wake up and am thankful for the ability to transcribe my thoughts into words in a space where there is always the potential for agentic responses and micro-resistance in the capillaries of power (ily, foucault). but (and i never thought i’d say this) i’m beginning to realize that my education is a luxury good. this brewing existential crisis aside, i love what i do.
but (part two).
when the career woman in me takes a backseat, some part of my consciousness can’t help but wonder what life would be like if i gave it all up. (think about all the sleep i would get! would my involuntary analysis of every movie and conversation and sight and thing in life dissipate?)
unlike my other inane (but frequent and painful) second guesses over the alternative debate/law school or orchestra/music school route, this is less about me and more about an ‘us’. or so i think.
life as a stay-at-home-mom. a homemaker. a housewife. the one who ferries the kids to school and back and makes them awesomely nutritious lunches with lots of veggies and playdates in the park and waits for the worm to come home from the corporate world and whips up homecooked meals for dinners together and reads to the kids and sings the bubs to sleep and spends all my other waking moments reading leisurely or jamming on some instrument. imagine that.
or maybe my system is being strategically clucky so that i can procrastinate my way out of this chapter. i am so hungry right now.